Serenity
by Sgt.Pepperony
Summary: Three months after an explosion that nearly killed Clint, Fury drags him and Natasha back into the field to prevent the assassination of a German diplomat. It's a test of Clint's sanity, his ability to find peace, and his relationship with Natasha. Established Clintasha. M for minor references to sex and violence; trigger warning: mental illness (depression).
1. Prologue

**Title: **Serenity **  
><strong>**Author:** Sgt. Pepperony  
><strong>Fandom: <strong>Avengers (MCU)  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M for minor references to sex and violence; trigger warning: mental illness (depression)  
><strong>Pairings: <strong>Clint/Natasha.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Avengers, characters. It is the property of Marvel and Disney. Set after Age of Ultron. Songs belong to their writers.

Prologue

_All our times have come,  
>Here but now they're gone.<br>- (Don't Fear) The Reaper_

There was no sound.

Nothing.

He could see the lips of the doctors and nurses moving through some faint haze, but no sound coming from their mouths.

He can smell strong disinfectant.

He could still taste some smoke in his mouth.

He could feel the sheets under his hands.

But he could not hear a damn thing.

The nurse came in and put down the tablet containing many medical charts. She carelessly left it having been distracted by another nurse. He leaned over to the table and grabbed the tablet and searched for his file.

**Name: ****_Clinton F. Barton; Sex: Male. Injuries: Minor burns, cuts, and bruises, and damage to inner and middle ear. Prognosis: Burn, cuts and bruises will heal but permanent loss of hearing._**


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

_Please I know you're in there;  
>People are asking where you've been.<br>- Do you Want to Build a Snowman_

**Three Months Later**

"Barton…" Natasha knocked on the door to Clint's room in the Tower. He had not emerged from his room is a couple of days and out of concern, she had brought his something to eat. "Are you in there?"

A part of Natasha's brain knew that asking was pointless. He had more than likely taken out his hearing aids to shut out the world. Sighing, she opened the door, finding a large lump in the middle of the bed. She poked the lump, noting how it moved in response.

"What?" he moaned.

"You're alive then?"

"What do you want Natasha?" he groaned sitting up and grabbed the hearing aids off the bedside table.

"You have not come out of your room in two days. I wanted to check if you were okay."

"I'm fine. I just have not slept in three days."

"What else have you been doing?"

"Sleeping."

"Right, come on. You need to have a shower and get some air."

"I need to sleep."

"You've slept enough."

"Natasha can you give me some space?"

"Look, I am sorry that you are now deaf but you have to face the world at some point Clint. Fury has been expecting you back at work for a week now."

"I think he can cope without me for another week."

"You know that is about as likely as Little Orphan Annie learning to fly. Please? For me?"

"I swear if you start singing _Tomorrow _as a means of motivation Natasha then I think you and I are going to have to rumble."

"Do you honestly want to try that with me Barton?"

"Well, it would not be difficult."

"Only when I get distracted."

"I can find ways."

Natasha sighed and went into the draws, throwing some jeans and a t-shirt at Clint, "Just shower and get dressed and I mean it."

-o-

"Well, it is nice for you to emerge from your nest Agent Barton," Fury commented when a fresh smelling and shaven Clint came into the office.

"It's great to be back sir," Clint replied dryly.

"Now that both you and Romanoff are present, I can get this briefing underway." Sighing, Clint grabbed a seat. "Right, you two are heading to Helsinki. There you will be monitoring a German diplomat while he undergoes this peace conference to do with Sokovia and Transia."

"The countries have been disputing territory since the breakup of Yugoslavia. Neither of them are big countries but there is a piece of land and mountain terrain in the middle of it, mainly belonging to Transia at the moment," Hill added showing the maps on the computers.

"Rise in nationalist groups, yada yada. The point is that there seems to be a plot to assassinate Gregor Opitz and he has been a key spokesman for peace and has only just managed to bring the two countries together in a neutral location. While diplomats from Serbia, Russia, Romania, the United Kingdom, and the United States will all be attending, they are not as vital to the proceedings as Opitz. If he is killed then we could be potentially looking at war."

"Why Finland though?" asked Clint.

"Nothing ever happens in Finland Clint, you know that," Natasha answered. "When do we fly out?"

"Tonight. Best get some bags packed and then Agent Q will provide you with the tech. You'll need to be at JFK by 18:00," Hill answered.

"Hopefully it should be a breeze for you two. Nice simple mission for you to ease yourself back in Barton," Fury added.

"Depends on how you define simple," Clint thought. "So do you know what this assassin looks like or even who he or she is?"

"According to Agent Maxwell, who relayed this potential plot to us, the assassin or assassins could be Caucasian or Arab, possibly Romani though it does not look likely seeing as the Roma living in Sokovia and Transia are trying to keep out of the tensions. That said there could be those who are used by the nationalists as a scapegoat," Hill explained. "The plan is that you two will meet Maxwell as the Hotel Haven tomorrow morning around half nine. From then you should be on the way to the Government building in the centre."

"Do we have covers?" asked Natasha.

"Yes. Agent Romanoff, you are Stephany Yeravanko. Barton, you are Liam Beech."

"Why does she always get the interesting names?" Clint thought. "Okay, I'm in."

"Good. I need you both on your A game," said Fury. "Good luck."


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

_Give me one good reason  
>Why I should never make a change<br>Baby if you hold me  
>Then all of this will go away<br>- Budapest _

"Yes, yes, yes!" Natasha yelled pushing Clint's head away from the apex of her thighs.

Clint smirked and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Bit quicker than usual Natasha."

"I guess I'm so used to your tongue, or maybe you just know where I am most sensitive."

"Either way, it works."

"We should probably get out of this hotel room at some point. We need to meet Maxwell."

"I suppose that is a good as plan as any," Clint said rolling over to the other side of the bed.

"Are you not going to finish the job?"

"I have not showered since we arrived and as you said, we have to meet Maxwell in an hour and a half."

"Considering that I spent yesterday morning trying to get you to take a shower…"

Once Clint had showered – a slightly longer one than he planned as Natasha had decided to join him – Natasha sat on the counter while Clint placed his hearing aids in and prepared to shave off the stubble he had accumulated over the past week.

"How do the S.H.I.E.L.D spec hearing aids feel?" she asked.

"I'm not going to lie to you Natasha, they are not exactly the most comfortable things I have ever put in my ears."

"Too big?"

"A little. If they were any smaller though, I think they would fall out."

"I suppose you would just have to get used to them."

"Well, I would prefer to use the larger ones when not on missions. It's S.H.I.E.L.D spec for a reason."

Natasha noticed as Clint picked up the razor, though his hands were shaking, "Here, let me help."

"I am capable of shaving myself."

"Your hands are shaking. You could injure yourself. It is not as though I have not shaved you before."

Clint sighed, but presented the razor to her, "Go on then." Natasha got down off the counter and Clint hopped on.

"Have you been seeing anybody?"

"What do you mean?"

"I meant like a therapist or somebody like that."

"And say what?"

"How you are feeling about having lost your hearing. Which given how you have been since the hospital released you, not too great."

"I think it would be obvious how I am feeling about it. How would you like to lose your hearing?"

"I'm not even going to think about that. Maybe speaking to someone about it will help." Natasha thought back to after Clint had woken up in hospital, with his battered and bruised body lying in the bed with two pads covering his ears with a bandage covering his head to secure them in place.

_"__Natasha?" he asked weakly. _

_Natasha responded by writing something on a sheet of paper, __**"**__**How do you feel?"**_

_"__Everything hurts."_

**_"_****_I will see if the nurses can give you any pain meds. You were in an explosion. They reckon you need at least a month on bed rest."_**

_"__Well that sucks."_

_"__**Yes, it does."**_

Natasha squinted and turned Clint's face away so she could sweep the razor across the left jawline. It was not as though he had not met a psychologist, though not in the way she had intended. More his psych evaluation by means of word association, which was more a test than help.

_"__Arrow," asked Dr Hardy. _

_"__Heart," Clint answered._

_"__Romanoff."_

_"__Friend."_

_"__Fury."_

_"__Asshole."_

_"__Death."_

_"__Natural."_

_"__Sunlight."_

_"__Day."_

_"__Moon."_

_"__Light."_

_"__Murder."_

_"__Employment."_

_"__Sound."_

_Clint paused and after a couple of moments he stood up and walked away from the table._

Natasha snapped back to the present and said, "It helped Stark out."

"Yeah, it was difficult enough to shut him up before that."

"My point being that you might benefit from the talking."

"Let's just get this mission over with, then deal with my head."

Natasha sighed, "Fine. Neck up."

Secretly, Natasha knew Clint was not physically or mentally up to the mark and that Fury had played a risk in bringing him back in the field.

_"__No. He is not ready," Natasha said plainly. _

_"__I know that Romanoff. His results came in this morning. Physical: fail. Psych: fail. His toxicology came back with suspected alcohol abuse."_

_"__So why are you putting him back in the field when he is a risk to himself and to anyone else in the team. He has not gotten out of bed in days."_

_"__Do you really want to know why I have chosen him for this mission?"_

_"__Do you want me to know Director?"_

"There. All done."

-o-

"Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton. Welcome to Helsinki," said the man approaching them in the coffee shop. He was Caucasian, blonde and had brown eyes. Quite tall as Clint observed.

"I take it you are Agent Maxwell," said Natasha.

"I am. Okay, where do you want to start?"

"How much do you know about the assassination plan?" asked Clint getting straight to the point.

"Okay. There appears to be two marksmen," Maxwell began and placed a file in front of the two. "Symon Aniolovia, who is a Transian Roma, and Patryk Elena, who is Sokovian. Both male. Both with black hair. Both mixed race Caucasian and Arab. Both know Russian as a second language. They both seem to be the tools however."

"Makes sense to use both a Transian and a Sokovian. Whoever takes the first shot will be the first to blame," Natasha commented.

"The plan is that Aniolovia and Elena will hide in the upper gallery of the meeting room where the representatives will talk. There one of them will take the shot."

"So, what is the plan of action?"

"Well, the outcome would be to apprehend one or both marksmen to get information from them. Both of you will be going undercover as two secretaries, however you need to keep your eyes peeled for Aniolovia and Elena. Does that sound clear?"

"Yeah sure," said Clint.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

_Take a breath,  
>Take it deep,<br>Calm yourself,  
>And count to three.<br>- Russian Roulette_

"Do you think he is up to the mark?" Maxwell asked Natasha as they were preparing the meeting room for the conference.

"Barton? I cannot divulge agent's confidential files," she answered.

"I was not asking what the psychologists thought. I am asking what you think."

"We should not talk about this. It may impair the mission. If you cannot trust him then this team will fall apart."

"Agent Romanoff, it is not as though I do not trust Barton to carry out this mission. I am just a little concerned in case he…I am trying to find the right word, and by right word I mean a word that is not ableist."

"Ye of little faith," Natasha said with a degree of humour in her tone. "We're just apprehending a suspect. I think he'll do it without a problem."

"If you say so."

"If what Natasha says what?" Clint asked coming in.

"That pitting myself and Agent May against each other in a fight is kind of sexist, especially when it was suggested we do it in our underwear," Natasha lied.

Since Maxwell had his face back to Clint, he mimed, "Really?"

"He was also wondering about your opinion on this."

"Would it be inappropriate to say that it would be kind of hot?" Clint asked.

"Some things never change," she thought.

"Okay, the representatives are due in about five minutes. I am going to observing from the wings. When I say, one of you is going to have to excuse yourself. Make it subtle. We don't need the press knowing about this," Maxwell explained. "Have we all got that?"

-o-

Twenty minutes later, the conference was in full swing with Natasha and Clint paying attention to both the proceedings and Maxwell out in the wings. The only thing that each of the representatives were saying were suggestions ranging from helpful to idiotic (at least that is what Clint thought about it).

"So what you are saying is that we should merge the countries then ethnically homogenise the groups within there?" asked the representative of Romania.

"It's ludicrous. It's what people did back when Greece and Turkey were fighting after World War One. Separating ethnicities causes further tensions, and as the partition plan for what was Palestine showed that it is not always distributed fairly," said another representative.*

"I think we can all agree that this idea is not the best for all involved," Opitz stated. "One suggestion is to split the land, though as it was stated, partition is not always fair. Those who may suffer are the Roma population and the Jewish population in the disputed region. Forcing them to choose between countries can break families up."

"He's good," Maxwell commented through the ear pieces.

"Should we even be making this decision for Sokovia and Transia?" someone asked.

"Seeing as this dispute has not been solved since Yugoslavia broke up, I don't think allowing them to make this decision themselves is going do anything to help."

"Barton, Elena is moving towards the conference room. ETA in three minutes, east corridor," Maxwell informed. "Leave now."

"Excuse me," Clint said getting out of his seat. Once out of the room, Clint maneuverer through the halls, being directed by Maxwell in the process. It was when he came across Elena that he paused in his tracks. Usually assassins looked as cool as a cucumber but Elena looked close to shaking and sweating. "Hey, have you got a light?" Elena ignored Clint and walked straight pass. "Okay, you asked for it."

Clint pushed Elena into the wall, only for Elena to elbow him in the nose. Clint twisted Elena around and punched him in the stomach, grabbing the gun in the process.

"Prestaň! Budú ma zabije, či nemám to urobiť!" Elena shouted.

"Barton, apprehend him now," Maxwell said down the ear piece.

"What do you think I am doing? Tickling him?" Clint asked sarcastically.

Despite being winded, Elena managed to grab the gun and hit Clint in the head with it, knocking Clint to the ground. Just before Elena can run, Clint grabbed him around the ankle and pulled him to the ground.

"Chcieť," Elena begged.

"We just want to talk," Clint replied in Russian.

"Budú ma zabije, keď to urobím."

"We'll protect you." Before Clint can grab the gun off Elena again, Elena put the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

"What's going on?" asked Maxwell through the ear piece.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

_Don't fuck with my love.  
>That heart is so cold,<br>All over my home,  
>I don't wanna know that babe.<br>- Don't_

"My Slovak is rusty, but I think he was saying something on the lines of that they will kill him if he did not do it," Maxwell explained.

"So why did he not have any rounds in the gun?" asked Natasha.

"Maybe he forgot to put them in?"

"Forgot to put bullets in a gun to use to assassinate a diplomat?"

"Did you even check the gun?"

Natasha opened the cylinder and found one bullet, "Okay, the question would be why he did not load more bullets."

"Well, we have him in custody so we will find out soon enough. Where did Barton go?"

"I think he went back to his hotel room."

"Is it just me or did he seem rather pale when I found him?"

"I can check if he is okay if it should reassure you."

"Hey, I'm just thinking about the mission."

Natasha rolled her eyes and walked up to the hotel room. Due to them sharing a key, it was easy for her to walk straight in. He wasn't in the bedroom but Natasha could hear the shower running. She could also see Clint's hearing aids on the bed.

In the shower stall, Clint was sitting, fully-clothed, under the stream of water which was hot enough to turn his skin slightly pink.

On the steamed glass, Natasha wrote, "Are you okay?" Not getting any response, Natasha turned the power off, cutting the water off in the process.

"You know, after Loki played with my head, I contemplated putting a bullet in my head," Clint murmured.

"Really?" Natasha wrote.

"I still felt him messing with my head, breathing on me in my sleep. Maybe putting a bullet into my head would stop it completely."

Natasha was not really surprised; Loki had managed to get under her skin though not to the extent that he had gotten under Clint's. Really all she wanted to do was hug him. Even if he was soaking wet.

Without saying a word, Natasha offered her hands out to Clint to help up. Silently, she got him out of his wet clothes and into something more comfortable, finally handing his hearing aids.

"No."

"You need them. I need to speak to you without writing it down," she said, miming her actions is a bid to get the message across. Clint sighed and took the hearing aids. "Right, now that you can hear me, how are you actually feeling?"

"How am I feeling? Well, I cannot sleep normally. I keep thinking back to that explosion, how it smelt, tasted, felt like. And you know what the worst thing about this is that I cannot hear a goddamn sound."

"I know."

"No you don't know Natasha. You don't know what it is like to have something taken away from you." At that point Natasha slapped him and she slapped him hard.

"You know as well as I do! You know I know what it is like to have something taken away from you!"

After moment to get over the shock of being slapped, Clint sighed, "Right… that."

"Is that it? That?"

"Do you honestly think I would like to think about that?"

Natasha breathed to calm herself down a little before saying, "No of course not."

"The thing is Natasha is that I do not know why I am here. I'm clearly not up to the mark. I know Fury said that I passed the tests but I think that was a scrape at best. I'm not the person I was before."

"So what are you saying? You want to pull out of the mission?"

"I don't know."

"Well, Elena is in custody and all we have to do is interrogate him. Would you stay for me?"

Clint looked up at Natasha, and he looked completely broken. Natasha did feel mildly guilty for slapping him in the face, mostly because the unbroken Clint would never say what he said. Rather than answering her, he just kissed her.

Despite the shock, Natasha kissed him back. Clint removed the t-shirt she was wearing, and Natasha removed his jacket and shirt.

Clint claimed her lips again and Natasha placed her fingers in his hair. They fell back onto the bed, with her on top and Clint kissed Natasha's neck.

Natasha smirked and placed a wet kiss on the crook of his neck. Slowly she began to move her lips down his chest towards the belt. Natasha's hands removed his sweats.

Natasha straddled his hips again and Clint unhooked her bra, placing his hands on her breasts and began massage them, tweaking her nipples. She could feel him growing between her legs and her response to this and his breast massage was pooling heat. Clint sat up to meet her lips while his hands removed Natasha's trousers and panties, as well as his boxers.

Natasha managed to align herself and Clint grabbed her hips, guiding her down until he was buried to the hilt in hot and silky flesh. Moving her hips in a slow, delicious pace, her eyes closed, soft moans coming out of her mouth, and her back arched. She clenched around him briefly in the most delicious manner and Clint fell back onto the mattress taking Natasha with him.

The new angle intensified their movements and she moaned in delight. They met each other's movements from below and their lips collided, their tongues dancing together in time of their hips. Their pants, moans, and groans blended in with the springs of the bed.

Slowly, the tension was building in her belly, almost painfully. Their kiss intensified as Clint gave in and thrust himself into her hard and fast before she finally shattered.

The waves of pleasure came in circles, she moaned in ecstasy as she was carried away in sexual bliss. Through it she could feel his hot seed pulsing into her, hear his cry of release; there was nothing but his arms wrapped around her and her arms around his neck.

Once the orgasm subsided, she rested her head on his neck, panting in time with his pants. She planted a kiss on his collarbone, while he planted one on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry Nat. I keep fucking up," Clint breathed. Natasha did not respond, only rolled onto the other side to the bed.

Later that night, Natasha got out of the bed, with Clint fast asleep, essentially dead to the world. Walking into the bathroom, she took her phone out and called Maria Hill.

"I don't think I can lie to him anymore."


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

_When you're at the end of the road  
>And you lost all sense of control<br>And your thoughts have taken their toll  
>When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul<br>Your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass  
>Nothing's ever built to last, you're in ruins<br>- 21 Guns_

"Romanoff, do you think now is the right time to tell me that you are having doubts over this plan?" asked Fury.

"Yes. I know our mission is supposed to be more important, however I don't think lying to someone who clearly is not stable is going to help get this mission complete. He needs serious help."

"Do you believe he is a danger to himself and to those around him?"

"I think he may do something and not be aware about what he is doing. He could hurt himself. You know that and yet you still approved him for the field. Forgive me for saying this, but I honestly think your plan may be stupid."

"Do you want to know why I approved him Agent Romanoff? The last time I asked you were not sure."

"Yes. I do now that the tables have turned."

"I needed to give him an epiphany."

"What sort of epiphany?"

"That he needs help. Has he realised that he might need some help?"

"Not quite. I asked him earlier today and he said that the mission came first. After getting Elena, he knows that something is not right. Both with himself and with the approval."

"Huh, so my plan worked?"

"I hate to admit it but yes. I should not have put it pass you to do something like this. You know after the whole HYDRA fiasco, I thought you had stopped all this secret manipulation."

"In my experience it gets results. I don't like doing it, but it is a means to an end. You know that as well as I do."

As much as she hated to admit it, Natasha knew Fury had a point. It was part of her job description to manipulate people into giving her information. She did not exactly like it but she was good at it, "Okay, I'll think about it."

Natasha hung up and went to check on Clint in the other room, only to find he was not in bed and his clothes gone.

-o-

"Elena, come on. You and I both know that you do not want war to break out. It is not as though the countries can afford a fight," Maxwell interrogated.

"Why do you not understand that they would kill me if I tell you," he answered in Russian.

"I got that bit, but we did promise that we would protect you."

"What good are promises?

"I work for S.H.I.E.L.D. We have special ways of protecting those who help us. I am not just talking about witness protection, I am talking high tech stuff here. Patryk, it is not difficult." Elena remained silent. Through the window behind Elena, Maxwell could see Clint standing. "One moment." Maxwell left the room and confronted Clint, "I take it you are feeling better."

Clint just shrugged, "I don't know. I suppose I have never been alright."

"Well, you came at a good moment. I am not getting anything out of Elena."

"Well, he did say that they would kill him if he told so I can understand why he is reluctant. Still does not mean he is not a pain in the ass. Do you want me to try?"

"Be my guest."

Clint walked into the room and sat down.

"You have boney knees," Elena commented.

"I have?"

"I felt them on my back."

"Sorry. You know, I hate jobs like this sometimes. They just seem tiring and sometimes it is just easier to shoot the person or myself because people are being difficult. Don't get me wrong I know why you are reluctant to speak. I have a similar reluctance to speak about the fact I lost my hearing. I just don't want to put myself into a vulnerable position, though I did do that somewhat by not talking to anyone. Earlier, I thought if I shot you then the mission would be over. It would not though. It would just have made everything harder. Just as you are making it harder to stop your country going to war for no reason. Just tell us who is putting you up to this and you can go home to your family. What do you say?"

-o-

"Barton, we need to talk," Natasha said walking up to Clint.

"Can't now. Elena has cracked and given us a name: Serpent."

"Serpent?"


End file.
